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These “insights” from my “deep” exploration of infosec startup buzzwords won’t change the status quo—it would be absurd of me to believe so. The Infosec Startup Buzzword Bingo can add some levity to the misery of browsing vendor halls, perusing vendor websites, or sitting on a call that sounds more like a Turing test than a product pitch. Nevertheless, this year’s bingo card attempts to capture the current zeitgeist of the infosec startup scene. “Real-time, comprehensive visibility” could apply to network-based detection, scanning applications for vulnerabilities, flagging sensitive data being accessed, collecting system telemetry on servers, or stopping phishing attempts. It’s far simpler to sell to security teams who don’t realize that products shouldn’t be painful to use nor bleed system resources like it’s shamefully amateur malware. It’s a mystery how anyone wanting to buy information security solutions can understand what the hell is going on in a marketplace tyrannized by security buzzwords. Over a quarter of startups I looked at deem themselves or their raison d’etre as “unique,” although their uniqueness often rests on technical architecture that is so convoluted that it’s practically useless—solving problems that pain no one. For example, in the first column, the B column, you will only ever see numbers ranging from one to fifteen.
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